Force insanity
Force insanity was a terrible, terrible thing that destroyed the lives of many Force-sensitive beings. What it was, in simple words, was overly-insane insanity. It would take the normal schizophrenic and give them the ability to fling pianos into the wall, just because they had a twitchy leg. Scientists assume that the high midi-chlorian count was responsible for it all, and started slaughtering anyone with an abnormally high amount (the truth behind Order 66). Force insanity was also very resilient. It would stop a nothing, no one—not even a brick wall could stop its destruction. And you know what this means, don't you? That you, yes, you, are in danger as we speak! That is, of course, you make the right product selections. ''"It could get ME!?" Yes, it can get you, at any time! In fact, it's probably downloading its Force software right into your brains right now. And, it's not just you it's after, it can happen to anyone in the world! I mean, I'm already insane with the shit! And let me tell you, I really regret not buying that lifelong membership that blocks Force insanity from getting into people's heads which are ''just like yours. Back to the point, you're always in constant danger. It's waiting for your brain to be on a low thinking point, say, sleep, driving, work. So if you're drooling over your desk in your cubicle, you're probably next on the Force insanity list. But then again, if you get this fancy membership, you wouldn't have to worry. ''"Membership!? What is the membership!? Why, I'd thought you'd never ask. This membership is made available by me for a very reasonable price. In fact, it's so reasonable, I'll end up paying your funeral expenses! So here's the lowdown. You can get the '''basic membership' also known as the pathetic Earthling who doesn't care about the dangers of Force insanity and his own life membership, which costs $5.00 per month. With this level of membership, you'll find that you'll be oh-so-safer from the terrible Force insanity—but not by much. We can offer you 10% protection from it with our plastic semi-permeable insanity protection helmet, which will temporarily block the waves of Force insanity that radiates from everything around you. And, you'll get our 15% Satisfaction Guarantee (This cheap membership isn't very effective for stopping Force insanity in the long run). If you're a cheap bastard, this membership is perfect for you! Next up, for those who are more concerned about their family and their own life, we have the Better Membership, also known as the Slightly more concerned for their life, but not entirely concerned because they would otherwise get the gold membership membership. With this we can give your house an evaluation to see if its walls have the strength to hold of the powers of Force insanity. If it doesn't meet the requirements to hold it off for a few minutes, we'll give you an exclusive list of what to buy from us to keep your home safe. And along with this goodness we give you an exclusive list of recommended products for your car, work desk, and public bathrooms to keep you safe. And for those of you who are desperately afraid of Force insanity (which you should be by now), we have the Gold Membership for a great deal at $250 per month (think about it: is your family not worth $250?). With this we can offer you our 70% protection every where you go with our deflection suit, which can hold off Force insanity (temporarily)! And, we give you the portable anti-for insanity fore field creator ''' which can give you a stiff protection from Force insanity within five feet of the device at thirty second intervals. "OK, that sounds good, but wait! WHY ME!?" The real question here is why not you? I mean, just look at yourself! More than likely a dead end job, a useless life and purpose. You're just the kind of person that Force insanity likes to take over! Its plan is to make all the little, unimportant people all go insane and form and insane army which will take over Earth for its total control! That's why it picks out retards like you to make crazy. In other words, it's because you've guided yourself through such a pointless and lame life. I mean, that dude a floor down from you who runs the hot dog stand has a more important life than you! Not as though I know where you or your neighbors live... because I am constantly watching you with cameras... nevermind. "So is there ever a time that I will be safe!?" Let's take a look here on my planner, Monday, no... Tuesday, no..... ah, look, it's written right here! '''NEVER. Like I said before, you'll NEVER EVER EVER be safe, that is, if you don't invest in one of my reliable memberships. But if you're not willing to take out the money, that's perfectly understandable, we're in tough times right now, all the more easy for Force insanity to take pointless people like you over mentally to construct an army destined to hell. ''"OH MY GOD! Here, how much do you want!? I don't want to be taken over by Force insanity!!!!" Well, since you obviously seem concerned, I recommend the Gold Membership at $250 a month, a measly price to pay for your life that is actually worth less than $250 anyway. Not, just fill out the checks to my address, and send them out once a month, or if just have that feeling, twice a month if you want. I recommend you do that; it ''may have extra benefits. *cough* Now, back to business. Just sign here, here, here, and here, and you'll be set up with our Gold Membership! Don't you feel better about yourself? Insanity